I Suck on Paper

First problem, I am 33 and lets face it, men my age come with baggage. The only real true man that ain't broken are those 20 year old's that are all of a sudden taking interest. Please boys, as exciting as it sounds, I need a man. I am not saying all men are broken, but a lot of men near my age come with some sort of baggage. Some woman or women along the way have trashed his self-esteem in one way or another, making him afraid to approach any woman for starters. Then I had to realize that I probably am not exactly the easiest to approach. Lets face it I am outspoken. Chances are if I don't like you I will probably tell you. Not that I am trying to be mean, I am just being real about it. I am not about to lead anyone on, no matter how desperate I am. Well......that isn't exactly true. Who are we kidding here, I have needs too that sometimes I ain't afraid to dumb myself down too to fulfill. Next thing, Sometimes I have to step back and look at the people I surround myself with as well. We are basically alike. We call it as we see it. There is no limit on how embarrassed we make each other, but I wouldn't have friend any other way. So that situation in itself can make a man stand offish. I do see men that notice me that are probably scared as hell to approach. I have also been told by ex boyfriends that the men in my life are intimidating. For a long time I didn't want to believe it, but you know what they are probably right. Men notice those things. Woman want to pretend everyone is just playing nice. Maybe I have to admit to myself that some of the men in my life are probably protective of me. Since I can not change those things, I have to change my own actions.

Another thing that stands in my way is that I am not religious. I know what your thinking what difference does that make. Well, I have now limited myself to places I can go to meet men. Where do you go to meet these eligible men? The bar? Ya, that has worked really swell in the past. Not that going to the bar is bad, but my experience with men I meet there has been, for a lack of another word shitty. Never works. Maybe it worked for you, but for me, its been a train of bad luck. So now I have the next popular place to consider, the internet. Its fine and dandy, but I have no idea how to portray my as I really am on there. I know I am way more appealing in person. I suck on paper. 33, single, no kids, own place, good job, and got my own car...They think whats wrong with this girl. Too good to be true. What they don't know and you can't say is the string of bad relationships I have had and I have the ability to prevent a pregnancy to happen until I was either married or 100% ready to have one. I have had quite the string of really sucky men, but that isn't exactly a turn on to include on an online singles add "Ex in prison, one is married, and the other is sucking the life out of some other poor woman." I would run from me. They all come with a great explanation but it would take years to write all of it down and before I could get it all out, that man would be out with that woman on the next page that is slightly less attractive then I am with 3 children and 2 divorces. Which they seem to go to anyways, because when I leave all that out I sound like a dried out career woman that's pretending to be someone she is not. Like I said I suck on paper. So I find myself just out in the world looking for him and he isn't just walking up to me. He's out there, he's just scared as hell.

So, now I find myself wondering where too now. I have many girlfriends in the exact same boat as I am. We all have different reasons and life experiences, but all of us deserve to be loved by someone we want to love back and feel good about it. So we are left wondering where are these men are at. There actually walking all around us but ladies they are not running to us. Why? The men are broken too. We all have some sort of baggage and usually it holds us back from actually making a move. We have to forget about all that. I am a good person with a huge heart. I know how to cook up a storm, I am great with kids, I am independent, funny as hell and I love sex. I am already happy with my life, friends, and family. I am worthy of getting what I want. So, I am going to go and get what I want. I used to be good at it when I was younger. It was so easy to be flirtatious at 20. Men just ate it up and I wasn't afraid to do it. Time to tell myself to stop being chicken shit and flirt like I used too. Time to suck it up and find my inner 20 year old. This week I am going to compliment as many men as possible, random strangers of course.

In the mean time I am going to get my sex on again. That's right, I am not above friends with benefits. If those toys become more then boys then I am all open in the mean time I am no longer stifling my sex life. I put it on hold for a minute, but fuck all that crap. I am in my sexual prime and I can not take it! So time to give in and lower my inhibitions again. Sex makes you more confident too. Especially if your not in a relationship. I have this really strange ability to separate sex and love. Most woman can't. I have been told I think like a man and I think its just human. Even if your not having sex you should be masturbating. Orgasms releases endorphins which attracts men. Trust me it works. I think more woman need to masturbate. Single or attached it teaches a woman to be in control of her own orgasm. Lets face it men don't always get it right and you can't expect a man too if you yourself can't even figure out how to make your clit work. So ladies play with yourselves. Its o.k. So get ready to read about the fascinating world I call my dating life. The one I had in my 20's was really liberating and its o.k. to do that again. Just have to face my fears. So here's to a week of flirting wish me luck!